A view from within the Shadows

I started wondering and I mean truly wondering, is there really a successful, powerful woman that, not only has a successful career, but also a successful marriage. However, I can name several successful men who have both, thanks to amazing, wonderful women who help, support, and made them better.

In medieval times men used to fight for women who inspired them to the point that they might have carried images of women in their armor. After all, that’s what women do. Inspire great men to do great things. But, again, who inspires us? Why should we stand in the sidelines when we could be out there raging at the top of our game? Aren’t we tired of being cheerleaders? I think its time to be more than whispers in the ears of the men who represent us. I think its time we let our own voices be heard and stop attacking each other for it. We see a promiscuous woman and we call her slut or whore yet we flip the coin and call men bad boys or players. How are we supposed to move forward, how are we supposed to be taken seriously when we don’t respect each other and we attack each other? It’s bad enough that we have to fight twice as hard to be respected and to be taken seriously in the male world but we also have to watch our backs because of the lack of respect among each other. We have to unite as allies.

The phrase says ‘behind every great man, there is a great woman’ but who stands behind great women? Queen Elizabeth I brought England together and achieved greatness by giving up on the opportunity to find love. Princess Diana (may she rest in peace) ended up divorced because she had achieved an even greater stature than her husband (among other things) and, as a single woman, she became even more amazing. In Puerto Rico, Sila Calderón was the first female governor of Puerto Rico and she ended up divorced before she finished her term.

Why must women choose between love and greatness? Why can’t we have both? Are we bound to forever be in the shadows of men? Can a woman truly be great and successful with a man at her side? Or is our only chance of being successful staying single? Maybe if we had a man who is a slightly more successful, we can still obtain success as long as our success remains slightly under his. Is that truly being successful or are we going back to being shadows? Most women have to choose between their careers and love or family while men can have both. Why is it so wrong for a man to live in the shadow of a woman while women mostly live in the shadows of men? Why must that be OUR place and never theirs? I started to question if women could honestly and equally achieve success with a man at their side but I realized that we will always be underestimated by a society that will think that we are doing is improper because WE ARE WOMEN. My grandmother will always feel guilty because she wasn’t a stay at home mom. She worked and though she, along with many other people of her age, will not consider her to be proper woman or wife; however, I will always admire her for it and so do the rest of her grandchildren.

Here, at the peak of my enlightenment, it saddens me to think that I might never find that one man who understands that I don’t need him to support me financially or to provide for me, but to support me in my goals. That when things are going wrong he just tells me that everything will be ok and that I will be ok because I have the power to solve it and that if I need his help he will be there. That he believes in me and he understands that I don’t need to be rescued; I don’t need a knight in shining armor.

I saw an episode of Seventh Heaven (one of my favorite family shows) and Lucy was looking in the mirror and she asked her husband why he loved her. He told her that he loved her because she doesn’t need a man or anybody to define her or make her complete. He said he loved her independence and the fact that she doesn’t need people to do things for her and, if she did need help, she isn’t too proud to ask for it. He said that he loved the fact that, even though they are financially stable, she still wanted to work and make a difference.

I would call that a perfect answer. He is even glad that she isn’t a stay at home mom or wife. Personally, don’t believe that anybody should be a stay at home parent or spouse. I believe that we all have a purpose beyond procreating and that we could never achieve it by simply staying at home. That’s the easier way to live and life wasn’t meant to be easy. Undoubtedly, staying at home has many challenges but there are people who do them along with fulfilling their own unique purpose for living. We all are unique people and God created all of us with a special purpose that we must fulfill. So, why should anyone be satisfied with just staying home? Children are a gift that comes along with living. For example just because on December 25 or on our birthdays we get gifts it doesn’t mean that we should spend all our time playing with them. Gifts are fun and they are ours to keep and use (or in the case of children, raise), gifts are just a part of life given to us out of love or if we deserve them. We were not put on earth to just enjoy gifts it gives us; we were put here for a reason, a purpose that we must fulfill. I refuse to settle. Some day people will understand these concepts, maybe not in my lifetime, but if I keep on fighting, if we all keep on trying, our children will.

It all starts by setting an example. Our political and religious leaders should set an example for the people and parents should set an example for their children. We must teach our children and ourselves how to treat and view others as our equals. Isn’t that the whole point of Jesus’ message? To treat others with respect as we would like to be treated, to help one another. How could things have gotten so terribly poisoned?

I start to wonder when this all began. When was the moment when women first had to choose between submission or greatness? I guess I should just be happy that women even have an option because years ago we didn’t even have that, right? Should we really be happy? Should we just shut up and accept this fate and hope that in time things will be different, better? Why? Why must women always settle, why shouldn’t we want more? I refuse to settle. I want success and I want to feel love and companionship as well. Why should I choose? Why can’t society see people for who they are not what they are?

I guess it all goes back to the principle of respect and treating each other as we want to be treated. It is such a simple concept yet we have an incredibly hard time to execute it. In the bible there is a story about a man that God used as the exemplary Christian. Even though everything was taken from him he remained faithful without question and in the end he was given even more than what he had, which was the main message this bible story; however, another important message in this story was what he did with all his riches when he died. He divided his assets among his sons AND daughters equally. If memory serves me correctly he was the first man to give equal inheritance among his sons and daughters. God used him as an example of how people should be yet we rarely talk or focus on this rare action of his. Then God sent Jesus to teach us how we should be, to teach us to treat one another as equals, and we crucified him for it. Why is it so hard to be nice to one another? Whether race, gender or age, we use any excuse to attack one another.

The catch about age is that, if we haven’t already been the age being discriminated against, someday we will be or vice versa. With race we can always move back to our native country. However; no place I go, no age I’ve lived or will live in my lifetime will I ever escape gender discrimination. I can never stop being a woman. I could get a sex change; but, how is that different from committing suicide? How is it not destroying who I truly am? What about all the other women out there? Should we just all get sex changes and have a world full of men? If you cannot beat them join them, right? We live in a man’s world and women have to fight for a place in it, but why? Why can’t we have a part of it?

Things are moving slow for women. They are moving at a pace too slow for us to be able to fully achieve our purpose in life. Our purposes are distorted by the backward, Neanderthal concepts that restrain us and by our fellow brothers and sisters. We have to unite and I don’t mean just the women, I mean all of us, men and women alike. We have to unite for a better future—a future where men and women of all races can look at each other and not see shadows but a reflection of themselves.

Ana "The Guru"
LWC